Reasons to bring a cat into your life 2: To have a TV-watching companion/knee-warmer.

Theory: Cat sits on your lap and purrs contentedly while you watch TV/chat on telephone

Several possible realities:

1)      Cat assumes position underneath radiator and falls asleep. Just before the ad break/end of programme/your overwhelming need to stand up to get a brew/toilet break/to do the ironing takes hold, cat appears and plonks herself on your lap. You endure tedious adverts/overstretched bladder/terrible thirst for a few moments of feline loving. As soon as ad break is over, cat trots off again.

2)      Cat plays with noisiest ever toy, so you cannot hear TV/friend with whom you are speaking. You try to block out commotion, or retreat to another room.

3)      Cat scales bookshelves/opens drawers/cupboards and begins to rummage. You shout warning to cat. Cat stops. Cat waits two seconds and starts again. You get up and tell cat off, face to whiskered face. Cat desists. You return to sofa. Cat starts again, with more vigour. Situation is repeated, depending on your/cat’s stamina. Eventually you give up and ignore naughtiness/smashing noises.

4)      Cat gets into fight with neighbouring *evil* cat. You chase off evil cat and check bushy-tailed own cat is OK. Bushy-tailed cat swipes you with claws.

5)      Cat disappears off completely and remains silent. You start to worry about cat and feel guilty for not paying her enough attention. You go to look for cat. Cat is nowhere to be seen. Much frantic searching/rattling of kitty treats later, cat is found asleep on top of wardrobe. Cat eats treats.

Posted in *evil* cat, Cats, TV watching | Leave a comment

Reasons to bring a cat into your life 1: To keep your home rodent-free

Theory: Cat will cleanly and without fuss remove pesky rodents who have taken up residence in your cereal cupboard.

Reality: Cat locates mouse frolicking in local garden/field and transports it to your house. Cat releases said rodent for play purposes. One of two scenarios may then occur:

  • Scenario 1: You enter room to find live mouse dashing hither and thither. You begin battle of wits/ninja skills with manic cat to see who can catch mouse first. If you are victorious, mouse is returned to garden and cat-flap firmly closed until cat calms down. If cat wins, cat bites off mouse’s head and crunches it noisily while you watch, helplessly. Cat discards bloody torso on carpet for you to remove.
  • Scenario 2: Bare-footed, you step on headless mouse corpse in the middle of the night.
Posted in Cats, Mice | Leave a comment